The next time you pose for a photo, keep in mind that we pose for photos because the speed of an exposure used to be so long that if you didn’t pose, the photo was blurred. We changed the tech, but baked in the cultural expectation.
Sometimes, we need to take a deep breath and go for better instead of more.
We’re supposed to give you a pass because you were full on, all day. Frantically moving from one thing to the other, never pausing to catch your breath, and now you’re exhausted.
No points for busy.
Points for successful prioritization. Points for efficiency and productivity. Points for doing work that matters.
I sang full of hope for the fourteen-year-old me who listened to Love Story and You Belong with Me and thought I would one day have my own love story.
I sang longingly for the sixteen-year-old me who listened to Speak Now and who had a crush on a boy who sat behind her on chemistry class and who, incidentally, had green eyes. A boy whose fingers send shivers down my spine every time he would mindlessly play with my hair.
I sang heartbroken for the twenty-something year old me… sitting in my D.C. apartment listening over a over again, Taylor’s Grammy’s performance of All Too Well, trying to heal a broken heart.
I sang cheerfully to All You Had to Do Was Stay, Clean, I Know Places, and This Love while studying in the library, fully aware of the feeling behind ‘silent screams.’
I sang for the girl finishing college listening to This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things and Delicate, now a grown up who understood that not giving a fuck about what others’ opinions was the only way to live life. And she abided by that ever since.
I sang for the not-so-young-yet-not-so-old me, trying to find her place in this world. Listening to Paper Rings and Death by a Thousand Cuts while commuting two-hours to work. And having this to rely on, smoothed the roughness of an abrupt transition.
I sang for the girl who listened to Betty and Cardigan and felt the lyrics ‘I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs’ too deeply. Because I do sometimes think what would’ve been if only I had linger for one instant in that hallway.
I sang for the girl that feels that is beginning to understand everything, yet she knows she doesn’t know anything, and that is finally beginning to feel it’s right. Because for me, karma is a relaxing thought too.
So yes, I sang. And I sang loudly. For all the growing and comforting I’ve found throughout these years, these last fifteen years. Because in a way, this concert was needed to let it all out and let it all go. To rewire so many emotions and perhaps, the present me, with more wisdom, can start framing some of these songs in a different light. To close, to heal, to hope.
“The truth is — genuine connection is ease. It is peace. When you find it you will know. You will feel seen, you will feel like you are being mirrored back to yourself, like you are discovering the shadow of your own heart in another human being.
Slowly, through loving the right people, you will come to realize that the human beings who are meant for you in this world will not exhaust you, or hollow you out, or leave you feeling like you are hard to love. Slowly, you will come to realize that you do not have to romanticize the things in this life that hurt. You do not have to run towards the fire. Love does not have to feel like a fight, does not have to feel like battle, does not have to wound.
Slowly, you will learn how to lay down your arms. How to walk away from those who will only ever love you in halves. Slowly, you will learn that you cannot love someone into loving you, or being ready, if they are not. You cannot love someone into their potential. You cannot close their hands around your heart if they are not willing to hold it themselves. You have to let them go. You have to focus on the people in your life who bring you back home to yourself. You have to focus on standing up for that kind of connection, on honoring that calm, because it exists. It exists.
And I hope you learn to trust that, because when you come across it, when you ultimately experience it, it feels as if you are standing at a door you finally have the keys for. You enter it with ease. There is no fumbling through your jacket pocket trying to find the right way in. There is no desperately reaching into your bag trying to uncover the point of access. You are no longer banging your fists against the door, asking to be invited in. You walk through. Soundlessly. Softly. Relief washes over you. You take off your shoes. You hang your coat in the closet. You put on a pot of coffee. You’re home. You’re home.”
Discovering that the last book that made me cry is being made into a movie, has got to be the best surprise I’ve received this year. November 2nd cannot come soon enough!
“It scales better than competitiveness, frustration, pettiness, regret, revenge, merit (whatever that means) or apathy. Kindness ratchets up. It leads to more kindness. It can create trust and openness and truth and enthusiasm and patience and possibility.
Kindness, in one word, is a business model, an approach to strangers and a platform for growth.It might take more effort than you were hoping it would, but it’s worth it.”
“Sometimes I just want it to stop. Talk of COVID, looting, brutality. I lose my way. I become convinced that this “new normal” is real life. Then I meet an 87-year-old who talks of living through polio, diphtheria, Vietnam protest and yet is still enchanted with life.
He seemed surprised when I said that 2020 must be especially challenging for him. “no,” he said slowly, looking me straight in the eyes. “I learned a long time ago to not see the world through the printed headlines, I see the world through the people that surround me- I see the world with the realization that we love big. Therefore, I just choose to write my own headlines:
“Husband loves wife today.” “Family drops everything to come to Grandma’s bedside.” He patted my hand. “Old man makes new friend.” His words collided with my worries, freeing them from the tether I had been holding tight. They float away. I am left with a renewed spirit and a new way to write my own headlines.”
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