Today belonged for every version of myself

Last week I went to see Taylor Swift.

I sang full of hope for the fourteen-year-old me who listened to Love Story and You Belong with Me and thought I would one day have my own love story.

I sang longingly for the sixteen-year-old me who listened to Speak Now and who had a crush on a boy who sat behind her on chemistry class and who, incidentally, had green eyes. A boy whose fingers send shivers down my spine every time he would mindlessly play with my hair.

I sang heartbroken for the twenty-something year old me… sitting in my D.C. apartment listening over a over again, Taylor’s Grammy’s performance of All Too Well, trying to heal a broken heart.

I sang cheerfully to All You Had to Do Was Stay, Clean, I Know Places, and This Love while studying in the library, fully aware of the feeling behind ‘silent screams.’

I sang for the girl finishing college listening to This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things and Delicate, now a grown up who understood that not giving a fuck about what others’ opinions was the only way to live life. And she abided by that ever since.

I sang for the not-so-young-yet-not-so-old me, trying to find her place in this world. Listening to Paper Rings and Death by a Thousand Cuts while commuting two-hours to work. And having this to rely on, smoothed the roughness of an abrupt transition.

I sang for the girl who listened to Betty and Cardigan and felt the lyrics ‘I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs’ too deeply. Because I do sometimes think what would’ve been if only I had linger for one instant in that hallway.

I sang for the girl that feels that is beginning to understand everything, yet she knows she doesn’t know anything, and that is finally beginning to feel it’s right. Because for me, karma is a relaxing thought too.

So yes, I sang. And I sang loudly. For all the growing and comforting I’ve found throughout these years, these last fifteen years. Because in a way, this concert was needed to let it all out and let it all go. To rewire so many emotions and perhaps, the present me, with more wisdom, can start framing some of these songs in a different light. To close, to heal, to hope.