As we close this chapter called ‘2020,’ I feel like I need to say a proper goodbye.

2020, the truth is that you were a really sucky year. You took away big things… birthday celebrations, family gatherings, coffee with friends and just all-kind of gatherings. You robbed us important moments… from gathering together to mourn our loved ones to gathering to celebrate Christmas. Travel plans along with any hope of vacation and time-off. You took our normality away. No longer were we able to go to the office and leave our work once we stepped out. In a blink of an eye, our lives, our homes and our spaces were invaded. We now had to carry the burden of work within our own homes, our own space.

And you also took away the small thing—small things that now seem the biggest things. Eating chips in the supermarket while grocery shopping, eating out with friends, shopping from street vendors, browsing endlessly the supermarket aisles for hours on end and even smiling random people on the streets. Being able to leave the house without a mask or hand sanitizer. Having very dry and sore hands from disinfecting every single thing thoroughly, groceries, cellphone, pocket change or credit cards.

But I have always believed that how you react to something is more important than that which you are faced with. To be fair, you did give us something for which I am finding myself grateful for, and that is time with ourselves. Having to spend any spare time with only you, has made me come to know myself better. I have realized what it’s essential for me and what is not. I now know where my values are, what are the things that are really important to me . And for this self-knowledge I am very appreciative.

I recently read a reflection from one of my favorite authors, where she traced the good things in her life backwards, and how many of the things were the result of seeds that were unknowingly planted ‘years and months and days before.’ I think that one day we are going to be able to look back to 2020 and understand why it was important to live this year the way we did and hopefully, it will all make sense.

I am happy, even with all of the hardships and challenges that this year brought, for this year. But I am not going to lie, I am also pretty happy for the new year. Though I am certain that our reality will not change when the clock strikes midnight, I am happy for a new year. Hopefully one with more growth and appreciation.

Last week, I heard someone asking about someone’s enneagram. I was intrigued about it so I immediately googled it (on a side note… I find it funny that google is now a verb. How crazy is it?). Any way… where was I? Right! The enneagram is a personality system of nine types of personalities. While it’s uncertain whether this type is genetically determined, many believe it is already in place at birth. The nine types (or “enneatypes”, “ennea” means “nine”) are universally identified by the numbers 1 to 9. These numbers have a standard way of being placed around the Enneagram symbol.

Because I was curious as to what mine would be, I took the test. There were some questions within the test that just “clicked” in the sense that they very eloquently described how I feel/behave in some circumstances. For instance:

Initially—without knowing much about each of the type—I thought I would either be a type 3 or a 6. The test results said I am most likely a type 1… The Reformer. After reading the description, I cannot say I am surprised.

I think that for the most part, the type nailed it on the head. Like… workaholic? count me in! eye for detail? here for it! self-denaying? who? me?

November 11th 2020. Here we are again. This year has not been what I expected at all. As a matter of fact, it has not been what any of us expected from 2020. But perhaps more than any other year, today I am truly grateful to be alive. I am grateful for my health, for my financial and mental stability. I am grateful for the many good things that have happened in these past 365 days. I am even grateful for the few days of the year that were lows for me, because at the end of the day, they have also proven to be valuable lessons.

In a true COVID-19 fashion, there was a zoom celebration. I feel also very grateful, and lucky, for my team at work. They are really great!

Without further adieu, and to continue the tradition, here’s the list of things I learned this year:

1. Friends—good friends—are really worth a thousand rubies!
2. We all need help every now and then and this reaching out for it is nothing to be ashamed of.
3. Never cry in front of your boss.
4. How to roast a chicken.
5. Bite your tongue before speaking with a hot head.
6. It’s important to do well in this life, but it is more important and of more transcendence, to do good.
7. Don’t trust people who belittle others when in private.
8. Respect is earned. It you need to make people respect you, you have already lost it.
9. Life is unexpected… enjoy the little things!
10. Be grateful, and never ever complain again about doing grocery shopping.
11. A kind word can make a difference.
12. Life is not fair.
13. Don’t fall into the comparison game, you’ll seldom end up winning.
14. Sing. And do it loudly and proudly.
15. You need someone to be in your corner. Don’t sub-estimate the power of an ally.
16. Never prioritize a problem over a person.
17. Build your social capital at work, but do it selflessly and without an agenda.
18. No matter who you are, the way you treat people does not go unnoticed.
19. Exercise does make you happy. It just does.
20. You never know how much you can love a dog until you have one.
21. Food storage is important.
22. Do no harm, but take no sh*t.
23. We have a living prophet in this latter days.
24. The way you allocate your time, shows you your true priorities.
25. Define what is worth dying for.
26. Life is short. As overused as the phrase might be, life is truly short. I hope that from this day onward, I never take it for granted.

This past week I discovered that Michel Obama has a podcast. I listened to the two episodes that were available. My first impression? It feels very organic and natural. The podcast is really easy to follow, nothing that requires a ton of concentration, but it still makes you consider and re-consider what you think about issues that are relevant right now.

I specially loved these couple of quotes. They are short but contain deep truths.

“Build lives that are selfless.”

Michelle Obama

“Don’t reach for normal, reach for better.”

Michele Norris

I’m glad I have this new podcast. I had fallen into a rut , so I am excited to have something to get excited about.

“It is my personal belief that we should mistrust any categorical affirmation that pretends to establish a fact as an absolute truth because usually it will only be valid within a very limited context. An extremely extensive list of these phrases could be made, but there is one that surely sits on top: “I made myself.” I believe that no one is the result of their own personal effort, we are in a greater or lesser degree, and though not entirely, product of the influence of many people and circumstances. Personally I reject the deterministic visions of life that neglect the power of will and a tenacious effort; just as the absolutism perceptions that apply a judgement to the ‘failed’ woman or man, affirming that “[he] has brought upon him his own condemnation”, in the least of all cases “for no having wanted it enough” to achieve success, because after all, “The man can achieve everything that he sets his minds to, if he wants it with enough vehemence.”

I prefer an eclectic view, that recognizes that within the natural limits that our own circumstances dictate, a few of which can have an inevitable character, a tenacious effort and constant and continued effort of a man or woman with clear objectives, can overturn their reality in a favorable way for himself, herself, and their respective environments.

I consider myself a tenacious worker and I believe I was equipped with an almost obsessive character. I believe that each man or woman are their own agents and that their own personal effort is the main asset to obtain wellness, and even prosperity. Throughout my life I think I have honored this personal conviction. Nonetheless, I am not even close to be the result of my own effort. A multitude of people have allowed me to achieve the discrete accomplishments that to this day I have achieved. Among them, in an outstanding manner I need to mention a group of women that have marked my journey in this life: To Rebeca, my mother, to Lucrecia, my wife, and Denisse, Daniella, Diana, and Dorie, my four precious daughters. I could count few events that have not been directly or indirectly tied to their lives, councils, examples, affection, and inspiration that their existence has represented to me. They have been in different ways, times, and circumstances an anchor that maintains me firm in my personal storms, a balm that has allowed me to feel comforted, and a lighthouse that shows, in a clear way, the horizon that must be achieved. For this… I thank heaven for my women.”¹

These are not my words, but in the many books that I have read, though admittedly have been few compared to all the books that have ever been written, I have yet to find a more wise, profound and plain beautiful acknowledgement.

Perhaps I am biased, surely I must be…

But then again, am I really?

¹ Jaén Hernández, V. M. (2010). Nissan Motor Company., Ltd.: Estrategia de Mercadotecnia para el Mercado Europeo” (Master’s thesis, Universidad La Salle Pachuca, 2010). Pachuca.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was the psychiatrist who defined the five stages of grief… Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Her study applied initially to patients who had to cope with illness and dying. However, the stages have been found applicable to anyone dealing with any kind of grief. I used to think that people experienced these stages in order, but upon doing some research I found out that Kubler-Ross later stated that grief doesn’t proceed in a linear and predictable fashion.

About a year ago—when moving back to Mexico became a reality rather than an option—I started experimenting some of these phases because looking back now I can see that I was grieving. Recently, a dear family member passed away, which got me thinking about how we experience pain, and ultimately… change.

Sometimes, when we loose something important to us, denial help us cope with the initial shock we are facing. It somehow keeps us moving through this process. Living in a borrowed reality, even if it’s a pretense, can be a lifeline. When dealing with difficult times, I have personally been guilty of burying my head in the sand in order to keep functioning because otherwise, I think the shock would paralyze me.

Then comes the anger… and justly so. In a world so vast and wide… you had to be the one going through this, isn’t that unfair? But as I have stated previously, life is, unfairly, not fair. But you know what I think hurts more than anger? Bargaining… because it opens a world of possibilities. What if, what could’ve, what should’ve… And bargaining comes hand in hand with guilt. The knowledge that you could’ve done better and be better. That had you made a different decision somewhere back in the decision tree, things might have turned out differently. And to me, this was the most tormentous phase of them all, because I could still taste what could’ve been if I had been more wiser, more patient, more decisive.

But eventually, you come to accept the fact that this is the reality you are living, and perhaps depression comes after or them both could happen simultaneously. And in my eyes, depression can heal wounds you didn’t know existed.

And then, one day, you wake up on the other side. Some day, some how. And inexplicably, you are ready to face the world with a smile again. Sure, it still hurts a bit, your grief left a mark, one that you will bear forever, but you can now start to see the beauty and blessings all around you. And that’s what we hold on to, what should be perhaps the last stage: hope.